Loving Your Children…Their Way

I have seen so many wonderful, loving parents love their children the wrong way and then wonder why they have lost their children’s hearts as they became teens.

Last night, I went on a date with our 13 year old, Sophia.  I asked her what her love language was. After a few seconds of observing her baffled expression, I said, “We all have ways we best feel loved.”  I  described each of the ways, then named everyone in our family and asked her which love language she though each of them had.

1. Words of Affirmation.  2. Physical Touch.  3. Acts of Service.  4. Receiving Gifts.  5. Quality Time    (Here is description of the love languages.)

I then asked her which love language best described her.  She replied, “Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.”  I was given great insight and a reminder to make sure I encourage her and spend time with my princess.

We all tend to love others the way we want to be loved.  What happens if my other daughter’s love language is Physical Touch, but I bring her gifts, paint her room, fix her toys, or remind her of how proud I am of her?  After all this, she still may not feel loved by her daddy.  (The same goes for your spouse, too).  Rather, she would feel loved with a hug or time snuggling together on the couch while reading a good book.  [As a side note, dads, if she best receives love best through physical touch and I’m not loving her that way, as she gets older, she might look for it in the arms of some other man.]

Talk with your spouse about the ways everyone in the family receives love best.  Moms have wonderful insight, esp. if your children are younger.  This would make for a good family discussion.  Discuss each other’s love languages and brainstorm ways you can love each other better.  Don’t know your Children’s Love Language?  Connect with them and let them know how important they are to you by taking this on-line quiz together.

Written by Jonathan

Rev. Jonathan Cronkhite has been serving youth and families in full time
ministry for the last 23 years. With the heart of a pastor, he encourages and equips families to have Homes Devoted, through conferences, workshops, coaching and writing. Married to Carrie for 22 years, they have 5 children, run a home school co-op, drama club and invite 50 people over once a month for airsoft battles.